The Limit
Advice • Mental Health • Personal
Apr 1
When saying 'no' is your only choice.
When saying 'no' is your only choice.
It's me, Anita.
I'm your older
sister today. It's fine, just sit down, grab a
coffee or some tea. Water is fine too. Are you
comfy? Let's just chat for a bit. This
blog is a bit
different; I just want to give you
some advice.
What makes me your
older
sister today?
I'm probably
older than you think. At least I feel like I am. I
feel like I've lived a few lifetimes already. I am
both a witch and
ancient. We have a saying in
Spanish:
"El diablo sabe más por viejo que por
diablo."
It translates to
"The devil knows more because he is old, not
because he is a devil."
So, no need to
question me or
my advice.
Let me share with you some of the magical wisdom I've gained throughout my multiple lives. This has taken me longer than I'm happy to admit, but this is a very, very important -and sometimes difficult to master- spell: when to set limits by saying 'no'.
Time for a chat
Have you been here before? At the
limit of
yourself?
It’s a
strange place to be in, no? The
edge of
your world feels
weird.
Have you played
Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild? The
limit to me is like the northern
edge of the world. A snowy
plain, fields covered in deep snow
and fog. What’s beyond it? Who knows. It’s the end
of the map, maybe there is
more, maybe there
is nothing but monsters.
How do you know if you’ve reached the limit? How do you know that you should stop pushing further? Great questions. Sadly I don’t have any answers. You do. You are going to have to learn when to say ‘No’.
Be not afraid. I’m
not going
to leave
you with just
“the answer was inside you all along.”
Like, it’s true, but not very helpful. I’ll tell you
about my travels,
and then you can take notes
for yourself.
Does that sound okay?
Good, keep
sipping your drink.
Hebra Tundra - Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild
You might have found yourself upon roads I’ve already traveled a few times.
I know my own limits. Even in the snowy plain, I can recognize the natural geography. Moss growing on this side tells me “you can push a bit further.” Certain rocks indicate “stop, here’s a cliff.” My explorer’s manual pages are well-documented thanks to lots of self-reflection and endless trial and error.
You want me to get personal with a few examples? Sure, I have time.
I used to get very frequent sinus infections. They happened after long periods of stressful work. Yes, I was able to deliver: crazy deadlines, pulling extra hours, endless little design changes. But then came the bill. Bedridden for days afterwards. It happened enough times that I memorized the pattern: Overdo it, and you better stock up on Mucinex. Nowadays, when I feel the first sign of sinus pressure, it’s time to rest.
A non-work-related example? Let’s get a bit messy.
I’ve been in some
not-great relationships,
to put it mildly. The worst ones ended when,
finally, my survival
instinct kicked in. I realized,
almost too late, that I was a step
away from a
precipice. Now, the
warning signs that
something is crossing the border into dangerous
territory are super
clear:
Do you want to run away and start your life in
a new city? Are you crying every day on your way
to work? Does this person make you feel like you
are less?
It was rough. I was in a dark place. But something in me said noThat’s enough. Get out of my house. Get out of my life.
Bottom line: Listen to your body. Your gut knows. Something feels a bit off? You can try pushing a bit more, but with caution. If that something feels really off? Stop.
Exploring the limit - it was also very cold this weekend
My dad once told me: “El trabajo nunca se acaba, tú sí.” Work never ends, you do.
Powerful, no? And it applies to everything. The problems won’t end, so you must put a limit on them. You have to learn when to say the magic word.
The relationships I alluded to before were pretty
extreme, but the knowledge I
gained there has become
very useful. You
get so good at recognizing the
signs of your own limit that you
don’t take a step in that direction anymore. For
example, I was in what some would consider a
good and healthy
connection,
basically
perfect on paper.
But it
wasn’t for
me. I had to say no.
How did I know?
During a meal at a restaurant, the room felt
oppressive to me. The sounds were too loud, the
conversation felt flat, the food unsavory.
Something was
off. I looked towards the
horizon and knew that down the
road, it would only be restaurants
like this.
I
meditated on this
decision for a few days, and every
time I thought about it, I felt it it in my stomach.
Time to cast the
spell.
I am also sad to admit I had to
stop the
Transformation Challenge.
Even after writing 2 articles about it. (Find
them
here
and
here)
Uff, having to eat my own
words? Swallow my pride? Don’t be fooled.
Pride can get in the
way of
recognizing your
limits. A sip of this drink is
bitter, but it’s way easier to deal with than
crossing the point of no return.
I have a lot of personal things I need to take care
of, and my body is
saying “that’s enough.” I
am not
recovering fast enough from
training. I don’t have
enough energy.
My mind is
too busy with the
things I must do.
But don’t worry about your older sister.
I am a
cat too, I always land on my feet.
This blog is a nice distraction from my problems.
And you’ve seen I am good at setting limits and
solving problems.
I will be fine.
We will both be fine
One note before we go. I’m not saying you should never explore your limits. You can always try to push yourself further. Within reason.
Try a dance lesson, take a few language classes, test your discipline by starting a new gym routine. The key? Set yourself an attainable goal. You can always find new ways to improve. Exploring new horizons should be fun!
You are a brave explorer trying to find the edge of that snowy plain. If and when you hit that new limit, it could just mean that the current route you’ve taken won’t get you any further. It’s time to head back to camp and come up with a new strategy to reach your goal.
That language app isn’t getting you any further? Might be good to hire a tutor. Trying to lift weights by yourself at 7 a.m. and it’s not working? Maybe it’s time to go with your friends to an evening yoga class. Find new paths.
How was your drink? Did you finish it?
Ok, now
be nice and wash your glass. Put this advice to good
use. Time to go
out there and
explore, you have my spell guide in
your pocket.
Take care.
That’s Enough About Me!
What do you think? What should I focus on next?
I hope you can test your limits in a healthy way. Are you taking care of yourself?
Let me know—shoot me an email! 😊
📩
sifuentesanita@gmail.com