The Limit

Advice • Mental Health • Personal

Apr 1

When saying 'no' is your only choice.

It's me, Anita.
I'm your older sister today. It's fine, just sit down, grab a coffee or some tea. Water is fine too. Are you comfy? Let's just chat for a bit. This blog is a bit different; I just want to give you some advice.

What makes me your older sister today?
I'm probably older than you think. At least I feel like I am. I feel like I've lived a few lifetimes already. I am both a witch and ancient. We have a saying in Spanish: "El diablo sabe más por viejo que por diablo." It translates to "The devil knows more because he is old, not because he is a devil." So, no need to question me or my advice.

Let me share with you some of the magical wisdom I've gained throughout my multiple lives. This has taken me longer than I'm happy to admit, but this is a very, very important -and sometimes difficult to master- spell: when to set limits by saying 'no'.

Time for a chat

Have you been here before? At the limit of yourself?

It’s a strange place to be in, no? The edge of your world feels weird.
Have you played Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild? The limit to me is like the northern edge of the world. A snowy plain, fields covered in deep snow and fog. What’s beyond it? Who knows. It’s the end of the map, maybe there is more, maybe there is nothing but monsters.

How do you know if you’ve reached the limit? How do you know that you should stop pushing further? Great questions. Sadly I don’t have any answers. You do. You are going to have to learn when to say ‘No’.

Be not afraid. I’m not going to leave you with just “the answer was inside you all along.” Like, it’s true, but not very helpful. I’ll tell you about my travels, and then you can take notes for yourself.

Does that sound okay?
Good, keep sipping your drink.

Hebra Tundra - Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild

You might have found yourself upon roads I’ve already traveled a few times.

I know my own limits. Even in the snowy plain, I can recognize the natural geography. Moss growing on this side tells me “you can push a bit further.” Certain rocks indicate “stop, here’s a cliff.” My explorer’s manual pages are well-documented thanks to lots of self-reflection and endless trial and error.

You want me to get personal with a few examples? Sure, I have time.

I used to get very frequent sinus infections. They happened after long periods of stressful work. Yes, I was able to deliver: crazy deadlines, pulling extra hours, endless little design changes. But then came the bill. Bedridden for days afterwards. It happened enough times that I memorized the pattern: Overdo it, and you better stock up on Mucinex. Nowadays, when I feel the first sign of sinus pressure, it’s time to rest.

A non-work-related example? Let’s get a bit messy.

I’ve been in some not-great relationships, to put it mildly. The worst ones ended when, finally, my survival instinct kicked in. I realized, almost too late, that I was a step away from a precipice. Now, the warning signs that something is crossing the border into dangerous territory are super clear: Do you want to run away and start your life in a new city? Are you crying every day on your way to work? Does this person make you feel like you are less?

It was rough. I was in a dark place. But something in me said no. That’s enough. Get out of my house. Get out of my life.

Bottom line: Listen to your body. Your gut knows. Something feels a bit off? You can try pushing a bit more, but with caution. If that something feels really off? Stop.

Exploring the limit - it was also very cold this weekend

My dad once told me: “El trabajo nunca se acaba, tú sí.” Work never ends, you do.

Powerful, no? And it applies to everything. The problems won’t end, so you must put a limit on them. You have to learn when to say the magic word.

The relationships I alluded to before were pretty extreme, but the knowledge I gained there has become very useful. You get so good at recognizing the signs of your own limit that you don’t take a step in that direction anymore. For example, I was in what some would consider a good and healthy connection, basically perfect on paper.
But it wasn’t for me. I had to say no.

How did I know?

During a meal at a restaurant, the room felt oppressive to me. The sounds were too loud, the conversation felt flat, the food unsavory. Something was off. I looked towards the horizon and knew that down the road, it would only be restaurants like this.
I meditated on this decision for a few days, and every time I thought about it, I felt it it in my stomach. Time to cast the spell.

I am also sad to admit I had to stop the Transformation Challenge.
Even after writing 2 articles about it. (Find them here and here)

Uff, having to eat my own words? Swallow my pride? Don’t be fooled. Pride can get in the way of recognizing your limits. A sip of this drink is bitter, but it’s way easier to deal with than crossing the point of no return.

I have a lot of personal things I need to take care of, and my body is saying “that’s enough.” I am not recovering fast enough from training. I don’t have enough energy.
My mind is too busy with the things I must do.

But don’t worry about your older sister.
I am a cat too, I always land on my feet. This blog is a nice distraction from my problems. And you’ve seen I am good at setting limits and solving problems.

I will be fine.

We will both be fine

One note before we go. I’m not saying you should never explore your limits. You can always try to push yourself further. Within reason.

Try a dance lesson, take a few language classes, test your discipline by starting a new gym routine. The key? Set yourself an attainable goal. You can always find new ways to improve. Exploring new horizons should be fun!

You are a brave explorer trying to find the edge of that snowy plain. If and when you hit that new limit, it could just mean that the current route you’ve taken won’t get you any further. It’s time to head back to camp and come up with a new strategy to reach your goal.

That language app isn’t getting you any further? Might be good to hire a tutor. Trying to lift weights by yourself at 7 a.m. and it’s not working? Maybe it’s time to go with your friends to an evening yoga class. Find new paths.

How was your drink? Did you finish it?
Ok, now be nice and wash your glass. Put this advice to good use. Time to go out there and explore, you have my spell guide in your pocket.

Take care.

That’s Enough About Me!

What do you think? What should I focus on next?

I hope you can test your limits in a healthy way. Are you taking care of yourself?

Let me know—shoot me an email! 😊
📩 sifuentesanita@gmail.com